Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Self-Anxiety...

You can turn the tide of your life from negative to positive results through your constructive words...Winston Churchill

Related Words - panic, concern, concernment, disquiet, disquietude, solicitude, unease, uneasiness, worry, doubt, mistrust, dread, uncertainty; distress, misery, suffering; dread;

Oh....where to begin on the subject of anxiety. Why do I feel that I must write about this today? This morning I was doing some automatic journaling for myself & my own anxiety issues came off the end of my pen, completely uninvited, but obviously wanting to roost on my desk. After writing yesterday's blog on the theme of the day, I couldn't help but hope that anxiety was not going to be today's theme.

Since I've been practicing automatic journaling for decades now, I know to trust it & that means to just go with the flow without judging or fear. For those of you who aren't familiar with this type of journaling, I suggest that you give it a whirl. It's quite simple. Open a new journal or notebook that is dedicated to this task only. I use a spiral notebook......I actually have two sizes, one 5 by 8.5 & the other 8.5 by 11. I prefer to write in the larger one because there is more space, but sometimes I like to pop the smaller one in my briefcase & take it on the road with me.

To begin, put a decent amount of time aside for yourself. For me, that means at least 15 minutes & preferably more like 30. Sometimes I'll get to the office a bit early, specifically for this purpose. Next....open the journal & have your pen ready. Don't use the computer for this. The mind will gift more to you if you put the pen to paper. Relax deeply, just for a few minutes. I call this settling in..........& then begin to write.
Don't be concerned about sentence structure, grammar, etc. Just let the pen flow. Write whatever comes. Stay out of judgment. If the mind sends ramblings, so be it. Write them.... & if nothing comes, write that as well. Keep going for the length of time you have decided to write or fill the amount of space you have decided to fill. Keep to the discipline. And once you have finished, put it away.

Here are some journal entries of mine from today - see how many themes you can spot. Look beyond the obvious. Remember, this is coming directly from my own subconscious mind. Also, look for the affirmations; the positive mind programs that were given to me through the end of my pen.

Changes in the wind. Patients leaving. Wondering where this will leave me. Remembering the other big change time after my mother died. I had next to no professional practice. The phones were quiet. My emotions ran away with me...fear...not knowing what to do. I was gifted that time with the idea to design audio programs. That came on the rear of a tear. Here I am once again....but it is not quite the same. Life has not been static. I have things to do & places to go. I'm busy. New patients are coming. I'm satisfied. Book ideas are coming. I'm challenged. It's time for something new. The nail biting book will be ready soon. It appears unfinished, but it isn't. Putting my ducks in a row. Organizing things that don't invite organizing, like relationships & my decision to change my soap. I need something new, perhaps the seminars that came to me while in Spain.............

My first patient arrived. I've been seeing her for over four years. She was only fourteen when she first walked into my office. She sat in the pink chair & hid behind her hands. She only weighed 90 pounds. I've known her at 65 pounds & now, while she is only 102 pounds, she is different. She leaves for college next week. I'll miss her tremendously, just like a daughter. I even tear as I write this.

She's very anxious about so many aspects of college. Her parents are anxious, imaging all the worst. It's been more than four anxiety-filled years for them & they are rightfully frightened. But today she sits before me & we discuss her dorm-room decor & her new room-mate who is coming with the refrigerator. Simple, but important things to a girl who has made such a journey.

Changes & anxiety coupled together. Fear of the known & unknown. Fleeting little thoughts having the power to turn our blood to ice, often not understood by others who might even laugh at our dilemma. Babies....oh grow up ! Feelings of walking alone on new paths, excited but frightened just the same. Our thoughts connecting up with other past experiences, some good & others not so good. What kinds of memories will we be making? Oh, why can't things just stay as they are, even if they aren't very good? At least they are familiar!

Here are some things my young patient & I did today...

1. Anxiety & excitement are very close in their chemical composition. What's important here is the labeling. It only takes 1/200th of a second to change the label from a fear state, to a positive exciting state.

2. You have the choice & the power to diminish all fears & all thoughts that are fear-related. Take out your re-framing tools or use the pie-cutter. The latter is a releasing tool for diminishing a portion of a fear or anxiety that may present itself as too big to manage.

3. Emotions are like children that wear tee-shirts with their names on the front. You are not your emotions, but you are in charge of them. You have the choice & the power to diminish any & all emotions that are not benefiting you & you have the choice & the power to invite in or enhance any & all emotions that do benefit you. Remember to keep your eye on your mind-assets & utilize them to their fullest. Don't let them get rusty from disuse!

4. Managing yourself & your life is fun! The better you get at a task, the better for you in the long-run. This is how champions are made. If you feel the desire to run & hide behind an old, impotent behavior pattern, wake-up & come forward instead. Meet the bully-factor & disassemble it. Observe it losing power as you gain power. Pay attention to the power of your mindWORDS. They are all coated with chemicals that change the outcomes of your entire mind & body. The more positive-task-orientated you are, the more power you will harvest.

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My thoughts & emotions are things that can be managed. I am not my thoughts, nor my emotions. I have power over the workings of my mind & body. ...Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht

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